Unlike many Christians, I do not have a testimony marked by dramatic outward rebellion. There’s no story of being rescued from addiction, abuse, or scandal. Instead, God saved me from something far more dangerous, my own sense of goodness.
I was raised in a loving, stable home with caring parents and a normal, happy upbringing. From the outside, everything looked right. I was surrounded by Christian influences and had many Christian friends, so I naturally assumed I was one as well. But, as they all lived out their faith, I didn’t understand it. There was a lack of assurance in my heart that I couldn’t ignore.
As I grew older, that uncertainty led me to build my identity around comparing myself to others. I evaluated myself horizontally against other people. As long as I believed I was more moral or more accomplished than the next person, I felt secure. The Tea Party and politics was a great outlet for me to live my own righteousness out. Deep down, I began to believe that God would be privileged to have someone like me on His team, so I joined the closest church to my house.
But that foundation was shaken when I was 29 years old. Around that time, I met a group of people in our church who lovingly, but clearly, challenged my assumptions – especially a friend named Greg. He helped me see what I had never truly understood: that my good works and self-righteousness were not commendable before God, but were, as Scripture says, like “filthy rags.” For the first time, I was confronted with the reality that I was not good in God’s sight. I was actually very guilty.
Greg walked me through the Law, and the Bible exposed my heart. I had lied. I had harbored lust in my mind. I had held onto anger and hatred. I had coveted what was not mine. These weren’t minor flaws. These were sins against a holy and righteous God who must judge sin and I was fresh out of excuses. In that moment, my comparisons with other people no longer mattered. I wasn’t standing next to other people, I was standing before God, and I was guilty.
That realization broke me.
For the first time, I saw clearly that I could not build a relationship with God through my own effort. I wasn’t the solution that God needed; I was the problem He was dealing with. And it was then that I truly understood the beauty of the gospel. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived the perfect life I could not live and died on the cross for my sins. He took the punishment I deserved so that I could be fully forgiven and reconciled to God. It wasn’t my effort that did that, it was accomplished by Jesus.
The change in my life was profound. My thinking, my desires, and my understanding of God were transformed. Scripture’s language became real to me, a new creation. My confidence is no longer rooted in myself, but in Christ alone. I now see that God’s love for me was not based on my goodness, but on His grace. He saved me not because I was righteous, but because I was a sinner in desperate need of a Savior, and the only Savior that could save me is Jesus Christ.
As an added measure of His grace and mercy, He also saved my wife Amber at the same time. We now have 3 kids, all professing Christians. Now, I have the honor and privilege of serving as a pastor and speaking of His love and mercies each and every day.